Pops, I am not sure where to even begin because I shouldn’t even be writing this, right now. Instead, I should be hearing a phone call with you and Heather asking me to “figure something out” for y’all. From the very first night I met you, you made an impact on my life. You made sure to show me what it is like to have a REAL, CARING, LOVING, father, the way you loved your children. Especially your babygirl, Heather! When we got the phone call of you having your heart attack and strokes, we rushed to be by your side and the way you and I could make “light of our situation” was to call each other “surgery twins.” Since then you have put up a HELL of a fight! There was not a day that went by that you didn’t smile, laugh, and make others happy. You were the most selfless soul I have ever met. You took my daughters in, immediately after meeting us, without any hesitation in this world. You made us Goulash for our first family dinner together (us not knowing how amazing it was going to be and he knew he would forever have all of our hearts with that meal) that soon became an every weekend event we all looked forward to. Man did you make the BEST Goulash!!! Everyone knows that! I can’t thank you enough for the woman you raised. She is an amazing mother figure and it is from everything she learned from you. There isn’t a thing that she can’t do and she makes sure to let everyone know she learned it from her daddy! You were her world! I know when you left this physical earth that a piece of her went with you. That is okay, though. You have been giving signs since the very moment you left this world & not just little signs, either! You wanted to bust our windshield on the way to the funeral home, making SURE we got exactly what you wanted! You would be amazed and proud at how well you babies are coming together as one, for you! We all know that is all you wanted was everyone to get along. You will have your wish. Thank you for everything you taught me in the two years of knowing you. Thank you for all the talks and advice you have given me on our many talks. Thank you for blessing me with open arms and never ever judging me for any reason. You have allowed me to talk and vent to you without any judgement but always made sure to give me your advice, even if it was something I wouldn’t want to hear. Heaven gained one of the most amazing men I have EVER have the pleasure of knowing on March 23rd, 2023. This is NOT a goodbye though, pops. Just a “See You On The Other Side, Ol’ Man!” I love you and so do our girls! Erica, Pip, Makayla, and Aaliyah

When I was young you told me we grieve for ourselves because the deceased are in a better place. As a woman, I know that is true, but I still miss you terribly. For the past year I’ve watched you endure horrific pain. I prayed and pleaded with God to heal you. Towards the end of your life I was so angry that my prayers were not answered. You were not supposed to die, it seemed like such a cruel death sentence for such a good man. When you died my grief became so overwhelming and suffocating that on numerous occasions I was convinced that I too was dying. My heart was so heavy and the pain was unbearable. You played a major role in my life and now you were gone. For my entire existence we spoke every single day. That’s 40 years of saying “I love you”, 40 years of being a Daddy’s girl, 40 years of feeling safe, 40 years pure, unconditional love. And now just like that you were gone. Would I ever smile again? Hearing the gut wrenching sounds of the death gurgle is heartbreaking, agonizing experience.The people who I thought were going to be my anchors quickly became the holes in my lifeboat. Complete, utter disappointments. Our family desperately needed kindness, love and support, anything else seemed cruel and unwelcome. Taking a page out of your book I chose to break ties and ignore. One of the greatest lessons you taught me is to quiet a fool with silence. Unfortunately death brings out quite a few fools. But you prepared me for this. From teaching me how to walk, to throw a ball, even to dance while standing on top of your feet, you showed me ways to stand on my own two feet. A dad’s job is not only to protect his little girl, but also to show her how to defend herself when, one day, he is not around. You were the biggest influence in my life. A father is the one who guides his daughter through life, and now even in death you are guiding me. You are constantly showing me that love never dies. You speak to me through others and music, if I listen closely I can still hear your voice. Your death has been a mysterious doorway with so much painful grieving for me. Heartache that I never knew was possible and mysterious because I never know how or when that door is going to open and pull me in.
It’s only been a few days since your death you are still opening that door comforting me. I miss you even more today than a few days ago because it’s been a few weeks since I heard your voice, heard your laugh, told you I love you and held your hand. There is so much of you in me that I think I frighten myself sometimes. I have your sense of humor and share your love for life. Someone is always telling me I have your eyes and heart. You loved people and a good party. Since you have gone I have received endless photos, emails and texts telling me what a great man you were. Your passing has created another level of a new beautiful community. Dad, you taught me what heroes are made of. You taught me how to love life even when it’s terrifying and difficult and you know it’s going to be painful. As I sat and held your hand throughout my life and the past couple days of your pain and suffering, I saw an incredible person, my hero. I learned how precious life is. As I remember you a few days after your passing, the painful image of my very sick frail father is fading. I will always carry your pain and suffering in my heart, but I can also see my father, my superhero, the strongest man in the world. The man who raised me, the man who was my first love and my best friend. The man who gave me butterfly kisses, taught me how to drive, how to dance while standing on top of his feet and how to appreciate Bluegrass music. Even though I can no longer hear your voice, I still see your face and I can feel your love. You’re still with me, in my laughter, my smile, my tears and in my writing. Love never dies, it simply evolves. Love Always, your little girl Heather

I haven’t said it enough, but I love you, Dad. More than you’ll ever know. But you see, Dad, I think that was just because we are so much alike, and to be able to say that makes me feel very proud. You’ve had your fair share of mistakes, just like we all have, but you are such a good man. You were the best father to all of us. You’ve taught me so many things in life, and I will forever be grateful to God for giving me a father like you, because without you, I wouldn’t be the person, I wouldn’t be the mother, that I am today. You’ve taught me some tough lessons. You’ve told me all the things I didn’t want to hear. You gave me some serious reality checks, even if at the time, I didn’t want them. You never sugarcoated things, you always told it like it was. You made it real for me, and I will always be thankful for that. But you never stopped believing that I was capable of anything I put my mind to, and you never let me forget that. No matter how tough things got when we were growing up, you never gave up on us. You were there every single day, making sure that you were the best possible father you could be. You loved us so much, and you always made sure that you showed it. You’ve taught me that family comes first, and more importantly, you’ve taught me what the real meaning of family is. You raised me to make sure that everyone I love, knows I love them and knows just how much I love them. You made sure we knew you loved us. We never had to doubt that for even a second.

Your physical death has traumatized me because even though I seen it happen, I still demanded to know every detail of the very how. Every single night for the past few days what I go to sleep with is a vision of how that was for you. I put myself there with you, I envision the act, I live it like I was really there, and that’s where my weakness lives. I’ve been open, I’ve been very closed. I’ve been inspiring, yet I’ve been a coward. I’ve put up a wall and have put on a brave face. My trust has been damaged and I have damaged it in others. My support system has been amazing, yet at times I’ve turned from them because you used to be part of my support, and you just vanished. What’s to say they won’t? Sometimes I see my support as part of my failure. They are trying, but sometimes their words just aren’t right, so I step back. I don’t mean to, I just don’t know how to accept their comfort when I don’t FEEL the comfort. I’ve hurt people I care about, and I’ve been hurt by people who care for me. My family fell apart and I work hard to raise my girls to know how depression can affect people, and I pray that I’ve taught them enough that they will always seek comfort when they really just want to hide in their own sadness. I’m sad you aren’t here to see their beauty. They know why you died, but they don’t know how you died. I live my life happily like you would want, but a lot of me is missing because it stayed with you a few days ago. I’ve had to live as the new me, the me it’s been a challenge. I’ve always been a kind, big-hearted woman. But, since your death, I’ve become even more compassionate and more understanding of others because I’ve learned the hard way that everyone has a story and you never know what someone is going through. You are a prime example of that and for this lesson, I thank you. I smile, sometimes it’s real, sometimes it’s fake, but I smile just like you used to. Nothing really has changed in few days. I know I miss you, I know I still struggle every day, I know I love you always. Your journey became mine. Your pain didn’t end, it went from your heart to mine. Your journey became mine. I’m struggling dad…I just wish you had stayed. I hope others who may feel your depth of despair will remember my words, JUST STAY. That’s why I do my part to end the stigma. Sometimes I ponder on our last conversations, and I blame myself and pick apart the words, and I try and recall if you really were saying it without saying it. I know you left without the goodbye because how do you say goodbye? There is no right way. From the very first day to just a couple I have thought of you and everything surrounding the way you died. This has changed me forever, and I beg you to keep guiding me to feel peace. I hope you are ok. Love you always, your little girl.

Missing you, and can’t believe you are gone.. Guess Heaven needed you more.. Thank you for always being there for me and the kids!! I will always remember the memories we shared.. I know you are no longer hurting or suffering and are able to rest peacefully ❤️. Always keep watch over us until we meet again Love always, Jennalynn, James, Jack, Andrew, Brooklyn, Bentlee and Maverick

Dad, It has been so hard without you here with us. I truly appreciate all the things you did for me throughout your life. I know you are at peace and not in any more pain. You truly were the best dad ever. I miss you so much and love you. You will be greatly missed by all. I love you Your son Chris

My best man

My best man