Storke Funeral Home Obituaries

Richard B. “Poppy” Pasto, beloved husband, son, father, grandfather, uncle, nephew, friend, pal, accomplice, wayward (in the mind), mentor, mathematician, physicist, teacher, and gadfly, died to be with his Lord and Savior on February 3, 2022.

 He will be remembered for his infectious smile, friendly demeanor, upbeat energy, ad-nauseum.  Richard never passed up an opportunity to view life to the fullest, including the time he walked into a telephone pole while looking across the street at some miniskirts and almost knocked himself out (whence he realized he was a product of the school of hard interdictions).  He was a take-charge type of guy (this was not obvious to the oblivious).  He wanted to be known as being friendly and negatively positively infectious (“I want people to know that I am the nicest son-of-a-bitch they will ever meet”, he often said while smiling).

 Humor was a big part of his life. He would chortle, cackle, chuckle, laugh, smirk, smile, giggle, guffaw, howl, titter, snicker (snigger), roar, snort, whoop, and cachinnate at any joke, lame or otherwise.  

Mr. Pasto was interested in writing math books for children, but was too busy to get started.  He was going to use the pen name Billy Bob “Bubba” Ballard.

 Richard was born on March 18, 1939, in Ithaca, New York, and was sorry he didn’t stay in New York after grammar school kids would circle around him for the umpteenth time yelling “Go home, Yankee!”. (Talk about hang-ups.  Damn, get over it.)

 He received his early education in Tallahassee schools (except for a stint overseas), learning among other things the Southern version of history, e.g., it was the “War of Northern Aggression (!)”.  While growing up in Tallahassee (a Tallahassee laddie if ever there was one) he found out after some years that the peanuts sold downtown in little brown bags were not “bowed” peanuts (he figured they were called that because sometimes they had some curvature).                

He earned two B.S. degrees in physics and mathematics and an M.S. degree in physics, all from FSU (before Bobby Bowden arrived).  Later he earned a MAPA degree from the U. of Oklahoma.  One benefit he received from his education was the pleasure of correcting people who considered the War of Succession as the “War of Northern Aggression”. 

Richard was a strong believer in privacy (the Monica Lewinsky case was a private affair), not worrying (it doesn’t matter how many male garter snakes acquire female characteristics during mating season), and not having double standards (not a peep out of fundamentalist preachers when Vice President Chaney used the f-word on the U. S. Senate floor, and said he was proud of it and that it needed to be said).

 Richard served his country as a civilian at the CIA, traveling extensively while wearing a broad-brimmed hat.  After graduating from the Federal government, he taught mathematics as a member of the adjunct faculty at the University of Mary Washington.  While at UMW his area of specialty became de-stressing students.

 Richard was active in numerous church and community functions.  He served as Sunday School superintendent for three area Episcopal churches: St. Johns in King George, and St. Georges and Trinity in Fredericksburg.  He believed in the following formula (among many!) applicable to life:

     If ∆C = increased chance to get in heaven, and

            = number of Sunday school superintendent positions held,

     then ∆C = .

 Richard’s greatest loves were, in order of priority, God, his wife, his family, his extended family, his country, the United Nations, ··· , President Bill Clinton, ··· , and President George Bush II (number 3, 456,793 on the list).  He believed that God requires you to love

His interests included collecting stamps and avoiding an alcoholic father.  He had other interests imposed on him, such as HGTV and Bernie Newton (with due respect to a fine person).  

Richard left a lasting impression wherever he went, as in the time he hit someone in the jaw.  He will be forever missed (this is a crock of shit, but should be in every obit).

 He was an admirer of many great leaders, including – but not limited to – two from India : Mahatma Ghandi and Mahatma Coat.

 His favorite sayings are

  “What often can be counted doesn’t count, and what often counts can’t be counted.” (Albert Einstein), and

  “Time flies like an eagle.

    Fruit flies like a banana.” (?)

 His motto was “Ne quid nimis.” (Nothing in excess.), his waistline notwithstanding.

 Richard was an avid non-golfer and did not play the piano.  He did, however, enjoy cigars and an occasional operetta.  

 Survivors include his wife Mary Ruth of many years; three children: Mary Kathryn Gerschick of Richmond, Charles Bradley Pasto of Spotsylvania, and Elizabeth Anna Kelly of Fredericksburg, five granddaughters and one grandson (all of whom will be attending college), and in the future thousands of others too numerous (or too soon) to mention.

 Richard will be buried in a 1957 Chevrolet Malibu convertible sitting upright.

Interment will be private at Emmanuel Episcopal Church at 2 a.m. (hence, insuring privacy) on the Sunday morning following his demise.  In lieu of flowers contributions may be sent to the National Council of Teachers of Mathematics.

In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to Emmanuel Episcopal Church, P O Box 134, King George, VA 22485.

 Since eternity can be proven [Let n = today, and for every day n day n + 1 follows (mathematically: n n+1), therefore by induction there are an infinite number of days]:  May his soul rest in peace for all eternity.